It's a lot harder than I thought.
My mind is clouded, thoughts are scrambled.
I open my mouth to speak but I suddenly have nothing to say anymore.
Why not?
All I ever do is think, think, and think again.
My world is spinning. Emotions are blurred. I sometimes can't tell.
You never said this would be easy.
But why not?
My affections are flawed... or something.
How does one have a pure heart with pure intent?
Follow me
What's that like anymore?
I long to know you.
Follow me
But my affections are flawed.

I love the wrong things.
I love the wrong things.
Again and again I love the wrong things!

But I love you I thought. I think. I KNOW. I'm so tired of this sick cycle.

It's just a lot harder than I thought.
My mind is always clouded, thoughts are always scrambled.
I still have nothing to say.
Still?
Be still.
Oh, but God, I love you.
Speak easy.
Renew, restore, do whatever you have to do.
I'm yours.
You knew that I meant it.
I'm yours.
I'm yours.
I'm yours.

My chains are gone

F everything, it is way too late for me to up...again. Crazy how the lack of an 8:30-5:30 job will really affect your sleeping patterns. No obligation to get up god awful early makes me stay up later. It's probably not going to end up being a good thing, but I guess for the second night in a row... I'm ok with it. If you see the previous entry, you'll notice that nothing is going on really. I'm bored. And chatty. And I don't know.

I struggle a lot with independence. I get overly confident in my ability to do things and sort out things on my own. It's strange because in some aspects I'm intensely and hopelessly dependent on others, and then in other areas I would rather just do things by myself. I'm trying harder to allow myself to be changed by those around me. Apparently intregity has something to do with being honest about your doubts and emotions about things, as well as fully feeling them too. Sometimes it's a struggle to be honest about yourself in certain relationships, because that means that I have to own up and trust that other person. It's scary, but freeing. Trust God trust God trust God. I don't have to save the world, turns out it's already be done. I need to stop worrying about the outcomes of things and whether or not I can control it. SO Kenzie just breathe breathe breathe. I'm good, I'm ok. God is good and never-changing. So, I'm good. He's revealing Himself to me in so many monunmental ways lately and I pray that I can continue to follow Him. But not my way. Trust God trust God trust God, I'm good.

And please take my 9th grade xanga out of my life forever, thank you.

I need to do something. I'm getting bored. But, I'm happy still. Life is good.

This is Twice Now

You're so sure that I'd be just fine here. But you were surely just taking your own time. You were so sure...

And are you wondering how things could be? Just staring at the surface, when all the walls have tendencies. But it's not your fault when no one taught you how.


And now the one you once loved is leaving.

KENZIE, stop thinking so much.

It was so simple in the moonlight

It is beautiful outside tonight, and I wish I had someone to enjoy it with. All my surrounding friends are out of town at the moment, so this coming week looks promising.

I'm tired. All the time. I can't recall a time where I've recieved more than 4 hours of sleep. Not kidding. Tonight may be momumental in the possibility that I might go to sleep before 2:30/3. We'll see.

My thoughts are very strung out and scattered. I want to sit outside and I want you there with me. It's just one of those nights. God is good.