Progress Report

Ah crap. It's been a while and I have absolutely nothing to say.

I'm feeling pretty good, working a ton and I hate it. I'm afraid of unintentionally making myself extremely busy and not havinig time to do things that are beneficial to other people this summer. Pray for me so I can do my best to remain as selfless as possible. Work/money isn't that important.

Don't have too much to say- life is weird right now, but I'm beaming. God's working in me, hopefully through me, and most certainly through others. Things have begun to click lately. I'm going to be ok. "Trust God" is playing over and over in my head. I have been told it a lot lately. I believe it now. I feel it. And I'm happy.

Plus Hayley comes home Tuesday...no big deal.

I guess I like to spend all my time up in my own brain.

THANK YOU GOD for HAYLEY HOUSTON and KARA CRANE.
I mean it I mean it I mean it.
Oh and a special thanks to Collin and Sarah for dinner and entertainment tonight.


Also, do I believe in audiobooks? Thoughts?

P.S.

Also, I accidently followed my own blog??? How the heck do I remove that?

Well for those who care or pretend to at least, you should know that my nose ring has temporarily been replaced. For work purposes. I hate it. I had to do this one time around Christmas because Harding found issue with it, and so for 3 weeks I suffered wearing a nose stud. This is really dramatic and shallow of me to write about but I am bothered!, If I wanted a nose stud, I would have gotten one. Right? I think that makes sense. I understand that a nose ring is not always the most professional thing in the world- I just still feel so robbed of my individuality when I am forced to change something so minor. I don't claim to be very different or anything, but I am slightly attached to my piercing because it just kinda fits me I think. And now I have to take something away that I enjoy for the sake of keeping up appearances.
It just makes me a little sad because I know that the majority of my days will be spent working, and, I don't know, I'm just bummed my nose ring won't be here to join with me. This is really dumb. I am just really kinda sad. It's silly that appearance is so huge and that minor things like nose piercings can severely alter someone's perception of you. But on the other side- it's really silly that I feel like my individuality has to be hurt by this.

Oh well.

I like summer

Some things in life just make a person feel better. Seeing old friends, seeing new ones, and mixing the two together. I like feeling like myself for days straight with no reservations. It's good to feel like your old self. I will get to feel like that for about 3 months. It's also good to grow up too though. Things like being outside, reading cause I have time, sleeping, driving around with no agenda.. it's just nice.

Tonight we sat outside and colored awfully with these tricky pastels and all managed to color like kindergarten. Lanie spits out this really cool picture. I enjoyed it. I enjoy life. I like going into businesses and knowing people. I like knowing I have beneficial things to do that do not wrap around some lame social agenda or schoolwork. I like choosing to do things. To help because I want to. I like choosing to wake up early- just because I can. And I enjoy the day. I'm not so worn down.

I like to wear what I want, say what I want, and do what I want without everyone just noticing and questioning. I can breathe. I have room. Whew, it's just so nice.

It just feels good to be back in familiarity. It's healthy to be reminded of the security you've known for so long through your friends and family and life you've established. Becuase now it reminds me that I need to get out and find my place elsewhere. I've outgrown this famaliarity. I love it, I enjoy it when I'm here, but it's interesting to realize that this is no longer where I'm supposed to be. I'm in no hurry though. I'll take it as it comes.

As for now, I am happy.

I thought I saw your face today but I just turned my head away.

I will love you like God, because of God, mighted by the power of God. I will stop expecting your love, demanding your love, trading for your love, gaming for your love. I will simply love. I am giving myself to you, and tomorrow I will do it again. I suppose the clock itself will wear thin its time before I am ended at this altar of dying and dying again.

God risked Himself on me. I will risk myself on you. And together, we will learn to love, and perhaps then, and only then, understand this gravity that drew Him, unto us.