Why

GET ME OUT OF THIS LIBRARY. I have been in here for FAR too long working on the same G-d paper. I hate this. There is a window in front of me and I am about to jump through it. I hate this. Why does school do this to people? Why am I about to go crazy? Why am I writing a 8 page paper over a poem with 12 lines?!? Why do I procrastinate as much as I do? Why am I wasting even more time writing in my stupid blog? I am waiting here with hopes the phone will ring.

I'm also thinking awful things. Will I be up all night?? Why do I suck at college so bad?? A sense of motivation and dedication for school-related things has never been instilled in me. God, why did you not add in those useful characteristics?

Just some questions running through my head right now.

Too many really funny things are happening around me right now, and I can't laugh out loud because I'm in the library. Also I'm alone so that would look weird. I probably already look strange because I've been making this weird face trying to hold everything in and it's killer. Why am I talking about this??

Here's something- I am struggling with having ill-feelings in regards to a particular person. This is unusual. I have never been one to desire to make someone to be repulsed by me (it's usually so natural, HA). Usually I annoyingly latch onto people. But this one makes me want to be someone else so they could leave me be, and I could forget them. They always have to be in the action. I'm wondering when we're leaving. And they have to meet everyone before it's all over. WHY? This is Harding, you'll see them tomorrow. AND they have to be the one to get a reaction. Always. I just sit there rolling my eyes. They are always someone else. It is enough to drive me INSANE. It already has. Who knew that I would be one to tell someone bad things about myself to get a person to not want to be around me? I think it's working. I may regret that later though. And I think it's making me more crazy than this stupid paper. Which oh crap, I am still writing. Pray for me, I am really battling with this. Why do I not trust them so much? Why do they bring out such negative feelings? OH yeah, I don't trust their motives. That's why.

So I'll stay, you GO. I'm fine with or without you.

I'm done.

OH and p.s. why in the H-E-DOUBLE HOCKEY STICKS is David Cook at Harding?!?!? And why are so many people going to watch him?!?! Someone please kill me. I'm going throw up everywhere.