And The World's Got Me Dizzy Again

Life has been interesting lately. Lots of things have happened that have made me really happy and then other things that make me wish to do terrible things.

But one prevailing idea has woven through these good and bad things and it stemmed from one conversation I had with a good friend last weekend. I appreciate her sincere love for geniune friendship. Because sometimes the purity of such a beautiful thing like friendship gets spoiled by our intentions. When we meet someone and begin a new relationship, sometimes we set a goal or place of where we would like to see this new relationship go. I don't think this is bad, however, I've noticed that when we make such plans, that every step and conversation turns into a way of transitioning that relationship into what we imagine it to be.

I do this a lot. I don't think my intentions are foul, but I think my intentions most certainly harm the relationship. Because then I am just forever living in this idea of how I percieve this person to be. But it's not really them. And it' my fault. When I unintentionally try to manipulate a relationship, I am missing out on the person they are now. Which is huge.

I cannot attach myself to an outcome because then in most cases, I will just be disappointed. I'll miss out on the opportunities I had to learn from the person they are now, whatever those may be. Lately I have been extremely guilty of this and in pretty much all of these situations have led to extreme disappointment. I need to stop romanticizing such things and allow myself to appreciate the person they are currently. Cause I keep getting disappointed. And I keep getting let down. And I keep having high hopes. It's so stupid.

I almost regret having such high hopes for some. Because once again, the world has let me down. Shocker right? I don't know how many times God has to shove in my face this fact until I get it. Unfortunately the person I have been missing out on NOW is really not all that great. I like my idea of them better. So needless to say it kinda sucks. But that's ok because then I just think of the people that I know that are consistent. And I feel better because I trust them now AND I trust the person they will be. And that makes me feel better. I'm glad I know people like that.

If you never get your hopes up, you will never be let down. I need to put my hope in something worth waiting for. Because some things aren't worth the fight or the wait. So I'm done.