alright alright slow down

some people live in a house on a hill
and wish they were someplace else
there's nobody there when the evening is still
secrets with no one to tell

some I have known have a ship where they sleep
with sounds of rocks on the coast
they sail over oceans five fathoms deep
but can't find what they want the most

some live in towns, cardboard shacks on concrete
all bluster and bustling life
they search for the color they can never quite see
cause it's all white on white

I guess this is growing up

You know, you never realize how much you love or care for someone until you see them mess up. I never thought I'd be the one to say "learn from my mistakes" and from every inch of my entire being, mean it. Only because anytime I've ever heard it I'd kinda shrug it off and justify the differences of situations. But as of late, I have found myself spewing those words out in some pathetic pleading manner, praying that I may just get through. But I also know realistically that it most likely doesn't and the words just share the same effect they had on me. It really perplexes me how I can care so much about what one does wrong or damaging in their life, when earlier at one point ago in time I was doing the same thing and could not have cared less. How did I arrive from there to here? It took me a long time I guess. In so many ways (like all of us at one point or another I'm sure) I have totally screwed myself over in many aspects by living in such deep sin. How could I ever want that for someone I love? I hate that I was unfortunate enough to make unwise decisions, but I am thankful that I am able to glorify God by learning from them to share with others the effect they've had on me. I just wish they'd listen before they do the same to themselves.
It's crazy because in the last few months or so, everything has seemingly begun to click. I could scream at myself for being so dumb in past events because now I get it. I understand. And it took me a long time. And it was hard. I just don't want any of that for someone else. And it kills me when I see it happens. Lord give them strength!

On another note-
Life is good. I've always had some form of a prayer journal, but as of late I cannot get enough of it. I have such a short attention span when it comes to praying to God so journaling really helps me "channel it" so to speak. 'Cause I'm just writing down my prayer on paper. Also, I like to go back and read so I can see how God worked me through whatever I was dealing with. My entries just keep getting longer and longer. I love it. I notice myself writing down the most seemingly insigificant things and I just write them only because I feel as though I'm in His presence. And I feel nice. Very nice. And I kinda smile a bit while I'm doing it. I adore it. I really feel like I'm just sitting there chatting it up with God. Cool huh? I still have much to work on, but it's always nice to be excited to talk to your Savior. I notice now that if I ever have any spare time that I write. Or if I want to write to Him, I set aside a hefty amount of time that will accomodate our length of conversation. I highly recommend a prayer journal or any form of journal for that matter.

Kara and Mal are gone on a mission trip. New Orleans I think. And a lot of youth are on Ski Trip and various other trips. Sucks because I won't have too much to do this week, but I'm still happy that it's break. Thursday I am going with Ty to A&M to hang out with Collin and others, and then Friday-Sunday, Collin and I will be venturing off to Searcy to see all of our little Harding friends. How exciting. Actually I am. I have some visits to make to certain people that are long overdue. I have so many good friends there. So by all means- pray for safe travel!

here's to all the pretty words we will never speak

There's a pretty young thing in front of you
And she's real pretty
And she's real into you
And then she's sleeping inside of you

And it's bad news, I don't blame you
I do the same thing, I get lonely too

You're bad news, baby you're bad news
And you're bad news, baby you're bad news
And you're bad news, I don't care I like you
And you're bad news, I don't care I like you
I like you.



I like Rilo Kiley.

sew this up with threads of reason and regret, so I will not forget

I can tell that you don't know me anymore.
It's easy to forget-sometimes we just forget.
Being on this road is anything but sure.
Maybe we'll forget,
I hope we don't forget.

I'm falling into memories of you.

And I hate that. I'm good now, so please just stay out. Anyway, life is good, and busy. Work is keeping me on my feet (literally) a lot more than McAlister's seemed to. I got so used to the easiness of McAlister's. I almost miss the luxury of being able to do whatever I wanted whenever.. almost. Seekers is good though. The management is great and completely clueless as to what they are doing so it makes it absolutely enjoyable. Plus I love new people and I love when I am introduced to an entirely different group. It's interesting to see how our personalities and work ethics mold and mesh together, or, don't. But so far it's good.

I have a golf tournament and I am completely dreading it. I have not played since literally last year, and until this afternoon I hadn't touched a club since at least September if not before. Not to mention I am already dreadful at playing golf in the first place... tomorrow's tournament is not looking up. It's supposed to rain a lot a lot tonight and all day tomorrow, and I'm banking on the hope it'll be canceled. I never listen to the weather because I hate getting my hopes up when it's wrong, but tonight I am praying so hard that I will not have to play and embarrass myself tomorrow. Plus golf tournaments are very exhausting and since we lost an hour of sleep last night, I'm not sure I'll have the energy to pursue any sort of good golf game (psh, as if I could if I was fully energized).

Anyway on a more in-depth note, in attempts to read my bible more on Friday I picked it up and started reading in 1 Corinthians some and came across something that somewhat bothered me. Verse 25 says "For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength." Now, in reading my first intial response understood what I think was supposed to be meant. I understand it seems to be making the point that God is so powerful and so mighty that even his weakness is incomparably greater than man's greatest strength and so on. I get that. I understand the point in that passage. But the problem that seems to arise that I want to concentrate on is whether or not God can necessarily be foolish or weak. When I think of God, I think of this Almighty, Holy, Wise, Powerful, Perfect...God. Omnipotent much? If God is always powerful then how could he possibly be weak? That can't register with me. If God knows everything, then how could he be foolish? Now I am just kinda spurting out my thoughts as I type and while typing I may come across a seemingly logical answer..but as for now, maybe I need this to make sense. Maybe I'm overanalyzing; I have a frequent tendency to do so. But I need some sort of clarity on this. How can God, the creator of the universe, of everything, have any sort of weakness? Is that possible?

Pray for rain tomorrow. Pray hard.

Estoy Cansado

Well I went to Baylor, and saw Shane speak. I even got to chat with him after, which sadly ruined it for me. His sermon was nice and well presented, although it is pretty much a base-summary of his book and the other sermons he has given, but I talked to him after and he was pretty much a complete douchebag (for lack of better words). And that, very much so disappointed me cause I was very excited to meet this guy that seems so full of life. Oh well, I have no idea what was going on with him today so why should I be one to judge such things? I shouldn't. But I do know that it's not like he was overwhelmed with people when we spoke, no one at all actually, and I also know there is such a thing as practicing what you preach. Who knows, I was just so excited and then was very disappointed with him himself. I still love his books though. Oh well such is life. I love Sarah Cody and sometimes even Jb even though he is a complete failure in censoring himself in any manner. We had fun. I even successfully managed to lose my keys and lock myself out of my car in downtown ghetto Ft. Worth. Luckily my spare was in my car, but it was locked in there. I had to call literally 7 locksmiths, all of whom informed me of their inavailabilty and then proceeded to direct me to another one who would tell me the same exact thing. It was ridiculous but I finally found one who unlocked my car in less than 2 minutes and he got 45 bucks off of it. That's ridiculous. Maybe I should learn to do that.

TCU was super fun though, exhausting but wonderful. My first intial response was a little clueless as to why we'd be taking young elementary kids to a college just to look around, but when we got there, I saw how excited the kids got and how much they wanted to attend the school itself. It's really dumb when inner city kids are predestined and labeled to go a certain direction in life. Seeing TCU gives them the mindset that college can actually be a realistic dream and goal for them, and they get real excited. They are crazy kids, but I can already tell you they are the brightest, most geniune ones I've ever met. They are so full of life, and I just want so bad for them to be able to experience the type of lifestyle they deserve and the same one that we are able to experience everyday. The things they are forced to face on a routine daily basis is completely unbelievable and unacceptable. But how can we change that? We are so selfish sometimes, myself included. I'm trying real hard to not be that way as much. I just get so comfortable. And my goodness I hope I don't stay that way. I never want to be okay with being complacent.

Oh well, I am tired beyond human comprehension. I must attempt rest. I'll leave you with a quote that I thoroughly enjoy:

"God spoke to Balaam through his ass, and He's been speaking through asses ever since. So if God chooses to use you, don't think too highly of yourself." -Rich Mullins

coughcoughshaneclaibornecoughcough

Fun-day Monday

Well, I might be pathetic, but tomorrow morning I will be embarking towards Waco just to see Shane Claiborne speak at their chapel for a very short period of time. I have wanted to see him speak for quite some time because I am in love with his books. Plus, I missed my chance last year when he was in Dallas cause I was dumb. But that's another story. Bottomline is- I am going tomorrow and it'll be wonderful. I even dragged Cody and Jb along with me and it doesn't hurt that best friend Sarah actually goes to Baylor. Good day good day! I am excited but I know I'll be exhausted later. We are taking Fortress kids to TCU tomorrow at 3 for whatever reason, and then immediately after that I have to work til close. I'll be on a slight time crunch and an exhausting one at that but hopefully I'll be having such a good time with life it won't even matter. I shall miss Kara though.

Anyway, life is still good. College kids are slowly coming back and my bed is once again occupied with Rina. So that's nice. She always makes things more interesting at home. And Collin comes next week and he'll be playing at Seeker's this Friday. That'll be cool.
Life is so uncomplicated and easy now days. It's great to be able to finally breathe when for so long I felt I couldn't. I'm so done with that. I have been for quite some time now though. Life is good.